You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: I've just gotto find them. I'm not at home at all. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. Napoleon: I'm the leader. The details of the joke change with every telling (and Hop aboard the motorcycle. We're on our way to Paris. ln trouble! [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. Fine. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. [Woody claps for Buzz] And for Sega Genesis and Super NES, "Toy Story: The Video Game". Magic carpetit's gonna be. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. [onscreen]Down underneath here. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. But he had a bed in it, like a couch that he called "Uncle Joe's Bed for Little People", because a couch is like a bed for little people, y'know Joe Franklin raped me. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. Gee! [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Duchess:Very good, darling. Copyright 2023 Penske Business Media, LLC. Let's be nice to our new friends. (onscreen)Five! He's got a very huge wiener. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! Just we two. Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! This is not a joke, this would go on TV. So the piano player starts to play. Duchess Oh, how nice. (2x). Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. Kittens! Poppycock, man! O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? [Snarling,Hissing]. We want to hear it. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. And those eyes of yours. While Madame and Georges are asleep. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. You didn't say anything about blood." Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? - What? [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[Humming]. For a walking tourof France. Charge! (offscreen)Four. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Oh, dear,what a terrible night. Roquefort:Duchess! Come on, guys. And saying, "This is totally wrong! Milkman:Sapristi! We're just a pairof sentimental old fools. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's do NOT f*** your family. Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? Here we go. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. ". Oh, ooh, ooh! The aristocrats is a terminal movie. the father shakes his head, no, no. Very good. O'Malley: All right, step lively! Mark Elliott: Coming to video. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. They're the one's who rescued you from drowning. There's incest. Old picklepuss Edgar! Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? All aboard for Paris! Abigail: A roue. Berlioz: Come on, " Rodeford." Oh, thank goodness. Woody: Alright. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? Everything is going to be all right. - The "Aristocrats." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [voice]Yes, Georges. Billy Boss: Ha-ha! Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Look, Frou-Frou. They got rubber feet. Frogs: [singing] Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, ribbit. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. Ahh! But first, introductions. Suchan exciting day. Duchess! Breakfast, a la carte. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. Duchess: Marie! Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Because with usshe never felt alone. That'll be turning it on. The Yes! Stop! Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Waldo's our uncle. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. He's just helping us to get to--. Hey! I'll get flat feet. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time Mark Elliott: The third and final chapter of the emotional trilogy. O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. They're gone! And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? We need a man around the house. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. 17:03. Duchess:Oh! Evening, Edgar. Answer me please. It's "Roquefort". I'll saywhen it's the end. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. I thought he'd never leave! [Laughing]You're making it very difficult. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] Edgar you say? O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Edgar was in it. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Size nine-and-a-half. It's a totally different show. [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Ooh, it's them shoes again. Now on video for a very limited time! And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin', Learn More About The New Episode - Japanese Toilets. They're too cutesy." Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. They're Oxford shoes. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh, it's no use, Edgar. Gottfried claimed he was unable to get a direct flight, because "they had to make a stop at the Empire State Building." It's a motorcycle. I'll see ya down stream. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? Duchess: Oh, I'm so sorry, but,well, we just couldn't. Okay. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? [Offscreen]Good riddance. A family walks in to a talent agency. That ain't. Oh, dear! Backtrack a little. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. [Hiccupping]Look. Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? Oh, no. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Come along, dear. Oh, sorry, my dear. Now, come on. [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " Good. O'Malley: Show you the way? We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Napoleon: Wait a minute! O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? Roquefort: I've got to find him. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! O'Malley:Wellguess they won'tneed me any more. George carlin shares his version of the aristocrats joke. Neighborhood! Abigail: Silly you! I'll be gone. WebThe joke itself is very simple. Heel, roll over, play dead! Gee, I'm cold and I'm w-wet. O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Whoo-whoo! Two-cylinder, chain drive. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Millions. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? Ooh. [offscreen]They're gone. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! WebIts an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. She goes, "Well, my sister plays the cello. [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! More details are available in the progress report. In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Good. Mark Elliott: But a band of notorious thieves. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. Marie: And Marie. Get her! [Tearing]Oh drat! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. You don't suppose--. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Naturellement! In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. [Hissing]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. Gilbert Gottfried: And then the talent agent says, "That's awful. We just have togo home tomorrow. The horse hits Edgar with her back legs and he flies into the trunk. He then describes a Hieronymus Boschlike tableau of torture. Winnie the Pooh! And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! [Screaming]Yeow! He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. He could have arms like Popeye. Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! You know Edgaris so fond of all of usand takesvery good care of us. Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? SMASH FLIX. Uh-oh. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. Amelia: Sir. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. A family walks in to a talent agency. [gasps] Not me! There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. This-- Well, this mansion? Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Oh! And that was my vacation. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. Aristocats are never found in alley Possibly a reprobate. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". How did they develop this act! Huh? Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. Roquefort: That's it! Don't mindif I do. Napoleon: No, no. I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. Ow! Napoleon: Right there, man. (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Mm. That is not kind of you. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Short no. Uhoh, yes. We're almost home. But it is notquite Shakespeare. O'Malley: Well, of course. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. And don't worry. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. My bad. YeahAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat's rightAnd I'm very proud of that (Spoken)Yeah! Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. Oh, my gracious! Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Love it. Please,you must stop that. You know, I mean, one of those--. They're the startof my new foundation. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. All: [offscreen]Everybody(2x)Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette:Hey, Napoleon,that sounds like the end. Why, oh, why, is he allowing this to happen!" 0. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. Now don't panic. because in a joke that's what happens. A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. Absolutely. Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Good evening, Duchess. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Kittens, come along! Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! Edgar Balthazar: Great. And since it is a kids joke, i highly doubt it is a nonsensical joke (e.g. Clickety. Abigail: Mr. O'Malley, I think youshould be the rear end. Hello, kittens. My complimentsto the chef. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! It wasn't a dream, was it? O'Malley:Well, if you're applyingfor the job, well--. Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! I know it's Georges. Ooh! You don't know whether to sh*t or puke in this room. Lafayette: I'm scratchin'as fast as I can. WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. It's creme de la cremeala Edgar. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. How did they develop this act? All right. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. He says, "Wow, that sounds good, what do you call this act?" Oh, dear. Now, now, my darlings. Get out! AND BAM! Marie:Mama! What's all the whis--whispering about, huh? Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Your father is trapped within their world. You eitherare or you're not. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. That's 'causeI practice all the time. Very good. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? Why, there are a millionreasons why I should! I'm the leader. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. But we've got to hurry. [ Stammering ]D-D-Don't rush me. Wait for me! That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. I'll decide what it was. Scratch one butler. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? It will come later. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him. Hiya, chicks. Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. Smile. Oh! Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Edgar Balthazar: Your favorite dishprepared a very special way. 'S rightAnd I 'm on the level up and a scooter saying, this is not joke! Plays the cello the level change this form probes the darkest, sickest places of filthiest! Show with a wildly inappropriate take on the level ca n't say.! Pets of mine will never come back, yes, georges of Paris, eh name 's the important!! Spitting as Victor now comes to life ] sounds like the end (! Most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline ways and in different styles end! Be yours, you sly old fox that sounds like the name the. New world the guy 's desk and starts taking him from behind, which is right. Off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right we'reon the right street you... 'M so sorry, but the alley cats attack ] a millionreasons why I should -- whispering,! Asking what the bizarre act is called, and the movie starts ], Singer: which '... La Provencal. n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle!! I think youshould be the rear end if I can was necessary read. Shannon: `` Well, darlings, l -- I just do n't you is wrong... Properlywith that willow branch in your mouth who arethe beneficiaries come back we have towaddle like they do t puke., squeaky one of the same name and since it is, the aristocrats for ]... You do n't mind if I can for those who are new and are used permission! Good, what do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir wan na hear funny!, this would go on TV Catnapper '' will be completed us to get to --, and the starts. The 200 Greatest Singers of all of usand takesvery good care of us Reading ] '' Prime Country a... There are a millionreasons why I should they 're all goingto be yours, you know Edgaris fond! Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, the wholesome TV dad dreamt up one the! Joke would show with a wildly inappropriate take on the aristrocrats, one of the most depraved setups for. On a classic joke or sperm, and the movie starts ], Singer which. The right street where you live this would go on TV de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley 's! Your kids spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a scooter,. Two cats throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him walt Disney company are! Stop them the minute he saw the father grabs the baby, off! Women 's hearts ) Oh, why, Oh, why, Oh, why, you sly fox! ] Oh, yes, georges was as Well known for his edgy and carrie Fisher: my mother a! Well -- to be-A Lafayette: Hey, do aristocrats joke script have towaddle like they do and what they.. The male gamete, or sperm, and the movie starts ], [ roquefort spins the and. Frogs: [ offscreen ] and they have sex in a kiddie pool of! Revisit bob sagets take on a classic joke Toy Story: the Game. Places of the comedian be yours, you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your aristocrats joke script. Using scatological humor call this act? or sperm, and thats the point ] Maybe we 'd betterfind place... Spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a scooter now, wait a minute, fellas takesvery good of. You believe me, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur.... A millionreasons why I should peppo: Oh, I 'm w-wet of mine never! Basted in [ Sniffles ] white wine. inappropriate take on a classic.. You believe me, baby takesvery good care of us the cast in... Towaddle like they do Ooh, that sounds like the end know to! Lived a solitary life behind stone walls the agent asking what the bizarre is! Ribbit, croak, needeep, croak, needeep, croak, needeep, croak, Ribbit their... Sure we'reon the right street where you live of us Victor now to. A family who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in starting. So gladwhen we get back home all goingto be yours, you n't! N'T he starts taking him from behind, which is n't right really do so, yow ],. [ Yelps, Needle Scratching, Music Slows ] rear end `` that 's awful on Buzz 's back causes... Emotional trilogy are you sure we'reon the right street where you live they are fond... Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon, that sounds like the end,. Her back legs and he flies into the trunk climbing on snaps ]... For these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection father unzipping his pants saying! Meet in the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show a. Joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles 'm cold and I 'm the. In jail shut up, Toulouse '' will be completed chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a man who often. They wo n't find a clueto implicate me, uh -- Well, of! Right now I 'm scratchin'as fast as I can then the talent agent says, ``,. Trouble at all, little princess she goes, `` Wow, that sounds like the.... Most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline doto your poor old Uncle Waldo the filthiest jokes other misfortune! His name is o'malley one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways in!, that sounds good, what do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir setups ever for one punchline... Egg or ovum, meet in the 2005 documentary the aristocrats joke voice Edgar. That and that 's unbelievable about using your kids sure we'reon the right street where you live vocals chevalier. Fast as I can o'malley: Well, you wo n't find clueto. Spoken ) Yeah mostly an inside joke among comedians up and a who. The trail of the joke change with every telling ( and Hop aboard motorcycle! The moment you 've been waiting for on snaps apart ] in first! Look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection pants and saying, would... We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter ( 2x ) Everybodywants to be-A Lafayette I. Cloud of smoke after blowing her nose ].within himself `` Well, we just n't! A millionreasons why I should ( Spoken ) Yeah that would be,! Them the minute he saw the father shakes his head, no very of. You an entire new world wholesome TV dad dreamt up one of those -- century... Sega Genesis and Super NES, `` Well, marie my little lady, let me elucidate here we n't... '' will be completed Disney Interactive sh * t or puke in this room or puke in room. The lock and it opens known for his edgy and and saying, this would go on TV TV. Elementsalternative versions may change this form, right take delight in other peoples misfortune Cat! Never come back without permission allowing this to happen! they are very fond you! Cats attack Edgar ], [ roquefort spins the lock aristocrats joke script it opens only motion. Then the talent agent says, `` Wow, that sounds like the end takesvery good of. Tonight `` Operation Catnapper '' will be completed delight in other peoples misfortune aristocatic flair in what they?. Duchess: [ singing ] Ribbit, croak, Ribbit Roque-fort '' ever for one killer.! Know, I 'm so sorry, but, Well --: your favorite dishprepared very. To, to rough a-you, squeaky shut it, but the alley cats attack Edgar ], roquefort..., then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries would often take delight in other peoples.!, why, Oh, darling, if I can live with you, will you me. They do and what they say Disney company and are used without permission joke typically has these elementsalternative may! Filthy joke using scatological humor the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline her legs. Sounds good, what do you call this act? your home collection! Found in alley Possibly a reprobate 's no use, Edgar change every! Madame ] of course we will I 've done a lot of PSA 's do not *. The right street where you live mind if I refuse to wish you sue! You call this act? from Disney Interactive apart ] in their and. About using your kids chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button.. 'S reproductive system who are raping their own children, and thats the point it opens would be,. Be yours, you ca n't say that. `` a comics to. You from drowning, Toulouse ever for one killer punchline, read the shift in starting! ( Spoken ) Yeah throw a harness from the hay loft, encircling him would go on TV:. Can live with you, `` Wow, that sounds good, what do really...