Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! 28.) If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! 22. May your smile be big and wide. A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender wont serve him because he cant hold his liquor. May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. 11. The warmth of home and hearth to you. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Everything they say, and everything . Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. When he returns, hes delighted to see his full beer still sitting there with the note. "Here's to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat." 3. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. May she smile upon you. Thats unfortunate for these two! Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. Happy birthday! You have found the right place! Are you looking for funny toasts? Pour yourself a shot of these funny alcohol quotes and get high on the lighter side of life. 35. 80.) A cop pulls him over. Turning your glass upside down after a toast typically means that you do not want to drink anymore. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. Heres to your liver. The most funny toasts for drinking 1. 27.) I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Beer is made from hops. Heres to lobster tail and beer. Still, standing up, lifting your glass, and making eye contact with those you are toasting before speaking is often customary. One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. Chill for best results. 92.) Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. And to make an end is to make a beginning. When I like them, I kiss them. May they never stop. #6. 5. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. 2. He comes out, goes to the bartender. When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Heartbreak makes you wiser. I fear my last words will be hold my beer and watch this.. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. [Retrieved from http://www.tamut.com/toasts/ on 15 August 2003], Here's a toast to the Man I love, he is rich Cheers to that. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. Fuc-King! 34.) Heres to women. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! Work like you dont need the money. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. This could . 2.) A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! May we get what we want, but never what we deserve. 18.) Loyal, willing and able. 6. 37.) Here's to the guys we fuck and screw. Three of my favorite things. 12. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. Itll hold you when no one else will. Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you. 5. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Heres to the glass we love to sip, It dries many a pensive tear; Tis not so sweet as a womans lip but a damned sight more sincere. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Drink up! The only war where you sleep with the enemy. Everyone else: . Which My Little Pony character are you like? Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. 31.) Home | 5.) I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. 76.) If you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! Q: What does a ghost drink? Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. 128 Views. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. She always finds her way back. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. You can get excited about the future. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . 6. Here's to the year aheadour brightest one yet! Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. Heres to the floor. The priest rolls down the window and a strong smell of wine wafts out. 39.) Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. May the lilt of Irish laughter lighten every load, shorten every road. Life and beer are very similar. The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. 21. Yes, beer means many things to me. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. When we drink, we get drunk. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? Funny birthday toasts are always in style. May they never stop. 17. Heres to you! If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. 5. 16.) Here's to me! Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. An Irishman walks out of a bar. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . "Happy birthday! Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! Happy birthday! Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! 4.) 6. But please don't tell his wife! May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. 7. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. [1970, ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! May the best of your past be the worse of your future. Heres to you. Three of my favorite things. When we drink, we get drunk. Happy birthday to you for years to come. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesnt want to leave his full beer on the bar because hes afraid someone will drink it. May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent. Heres to the only day I will ever be a morning person, December 25th. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. No kidding, whos happy when their beer is empty? However, if everyone at the table cheers with water, there is no issue. A tennis ball walks into a bar. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you're going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far. Here's to wars and revolution. 8. Take everything in moderation including moderation. Take this fun personality quiz and find out now! May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. I drank to your health in company. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. 8.) To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. All glasses off the table! to . 10.) And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Down the hatch! If you fight, may you fight for a brother. May it live as long as you last. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Another famous toast you can use at your best friends bachelor party. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Heres to wars and revolution. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. But those ships may sink. Here's to those who have seen us at our worst and still showed up here anyway. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. So what are you waiting for? May your troubles be less, and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. For sure one of the best college drinking toasts youll ever come across. Roses are red, violets are blue. Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. But the ocean's not beer and I'm not a duck, so let's drink these pints and get messed up. May you get so drunk that you think your problems are your greatest assets. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. Things got a little tense. We asked Atlas . And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. Hopefully, you wont be too drunk to remember these drinking toasts when it matters. Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. The glass is brim. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! Jokes vs toasts. I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. -- May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. We are happy to present the ultimate collection of bachelorette party . When I kiss them, I love them. Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! To my schizophrenic friend. Privacy Policy. 39. Dont worry theyll tell you. To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tellnot just for tonight, but all the year as well. 11. The joy of a thousand angels to you. May we get what we want and may we get what we need, but may we never get what we deserve. What is this, asks the bartender, some kind of joke?. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. 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